Dirt: Close Family

April Update... see March List.

We are counting down the days of attendance until the end of school for both girls (30 days for one and 24 for the other). Ellie started driving and is now running all over town, having fun.  Our family life is shifting a little bit.

We are a close family. I always joke that we could downsize to a house with just 7 rooms (2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, kitchen and living room) and one sofa and we would not notice. We spend so much time in our kitchen that we really could just have the television in the kitchen and do away with the living room.

The past few weeks, I feel closer to the girls. Maybe it is the impending change. Maybe it is seasonal, but I enjoy them so much lately. I am frustrated by them, sure. Fights with mom are easy to pick and I am an easy target. However, I am thrilled that we are so close.

Boyfriends 

Best friends

I have friends who are as close to their daughters and I think that is part of the success of our relationships. The girls see the other dynamics and know it is a settling thing to have your parents close. I feel sad for the girls who hide EVERYTHING from their parents. I do not for one second think mine don't hide things from me. However, I know a lot and am privy to secrets that other moms are not.

I love being a mom. I never thought I would want to be one. I thought I wanted to travel and live a big life. One without kids. However, my life is large because I have these amazing women in it and I would not change  a thing.

Dirt: Happy 30 Days of School

Fall is almost here and I am a little sad. I love the sunshine daydreams of summer and don't mind the sweat that goes along with  them. However, it is nice to wake up and go for a run and not be sweating before I leave the block.

We are in the throes of what I like to call "the real deal". High school is no joke, where my girls go to school  or anywhere, really. Homework takes forever to finish. Parties are planned, dances are danced (one this weekend) and lives are lived on the spur of the moment.

A video posted by GPS Rowing (@gps_rowing) on Sep 14, 2015 at 3:52pm PDT

My girls are both on the varsity crew team, which means 7 practices a week. That's right 7. Next week, they ramp up to 9. Practice starts at 6 am and these girls go hard all day long, getting home at 6 or 6:30 pm, eat dinner and then do homework and start all over again.

Last spring's team

I'm tired. They are tired.

Babies are exhausting, but teenagers are worse. At least they drive.

Happy first month of school to all you tired parents out there!

Cooking: Middle School is On Its Way Out!

This is the year things end. Middle school things that is. Last middle school swim championship, last middle school swim season, last middle school dances.... I am nostalgic for some of these  things. Middle school still sounds little kid to me. This will be the last year I have a little kid. I am happy for the growth and maturity that comes in the next stage in our lives, but for a few moments, I am nostalgic for the middle school years. They have been great learning experiences for us all.


This weekend we watched Ellie swim in her last middle school championship meet. She took time off both of her races and was part of a pretty great relay team. The best part of the whole day was watching her cheer her team with all of her heart. She loves being on a team and their 6th win (her second as part of the team) was a big deal for these girls. They went in nervous, worked hard and came out a winning team.

 

This weekend was a huge "Ellie weekend".  School dance, championship, talent show tryouts and cotillion just to name a few of the many things she did. Life is busy in middle school, that is for sure. Good thing we still have a full semester left to enjoy all the business of  middle school.

Casa Swann still in middle school Menu

•  Chicken ragu/ stuffed bell peppers/ creamed spinach
• swim meet  (Freezer pork soup/tomato soup)
• Veggie bowls
• Grilled chicken thighs/ Mexican baked sweet potatoes

Dirt: Highschool dance

There are days when it really hits me that I have a high school student living in my house.


Most of the time she is just my sweet girl who is curious and weird. Then we go dress shopping for a semi formal dance that she is attending with an actual date. That is a boy. And reality hits me. This is an almost grown person I am dealing with. A high school student.

Whatever: Fun times with Jake Bugg

Last September, I bought tickets to give to the girls for Christmas to see a concert in February.

Talk about delayed gratification, for me at least. Just the three of us went, stayed in a hotel, ate dinner at one of the hottest places in town and had a blast!

Getting ready...

Dirt: My Favorite Daughter (of the second)

Whew! Friday is finally here. I love my job and my family, but I am exhausted this week and part of the reason is them.We had two swim meets in three days, play rehearsals, lots of homework, last minute snack runs and I worked 40 hours.  But it is now Friday and that means...wine, laundry and cleaning out closets at my leisure.

Last weekend, during the break of the middle school swim championship, I came home and cleaned out Ellie's room. Two bags of garbage and a lot of sharpies (at least 100) later, it is clean. Almost still clean.

She is a big time artist and I know will at least study it in high school all the way to AP Art, and may continue on in college. So, all of her drawers are full of art, art supplies, art books and doodled on pieces of paper. I saved almost all of them. She really likes to look back and see how far she has progressed over the years. One piece I found was from two years ago and had a note on the back of it. 

She is my favorite daughter.

Dirt: This year will be different

The holidays are here!

This may be the first year that I am on my game, ready for whatever comes. 

Presents are wrapped and under the tree. Most of the people that I want to treat to a little something, have a little something. This year, it does not seem like a chore, but a privilege.

Last year, or the year before, I made up my mind to enjoy the holidays.Simple, right?

Well, for me, not so much.

Dirt: Tomorrow is my mother's birthday

Tomorrow is my mother's birthday.

My mother that gave birth to me, not the one who lives here in Tennessee and is the "mom".

My mother, who was a puzzle that was missing pieces for most of my life.

She passed away a year ago, July. The anniversary of her death was only a day to me. Not because I am callous, but because I don't make not of death dates. On purpose. 

Last year, her birthday wasn't something that stuck out, terribly. I was a little freaked when facebook notified me. But her being gone was still so new, I was in a daze. This year her birthday is something I am actually aware of. The day has been looming on the horizon since my birthday, 19 days ago.

My whole life she told me we celebrated our first 20 together. She turned 20 years old the day I turned 20 days old. 

I am still processing what an unfinished relationship ours was. We were not close. She had many issues that I could not allow to be part of my life. My life in my 20's and 30's when I was trying to make sense of what I now know are the scars of a childhood spent being raised by children.

But as I entered my 40s, I was almost there. Almost ready to make room in my life for her. Do I regret not having a better relationship? That is complicated. I have raised my girls knowing stability and routine. A family that is not chaotic and full of unfulfilled promises. But part of me is indeed sad that Delaney and Ellie will miss that part of me. The part of me that was a momma's girl until 4th grade. The part of me the knows crazy songs and silly jokes. The part of me that is my mother.

I have spent the past 14 months dealing with a dark depression that I have only shared with a few close friends and Steve. My heart is finally coming out from under the burden of guilt and unsureness about her death. I finally am able to think about her birthday with sadness and happiness, both. She is not here. 

She is not hurting or trying to be happy or trying to not make promises she cannot fulfill. 

But she is also not waiting on me to call or come by and that is the sad part of tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my mother's birthday.

Dirt: My job

It is pretty amazing being a mom.

My life is so different than I thought it would be. If I had actually given it any thought, or had someone giving me direction, I would have been a writer or gone into marketing. 

Instead, I studied anthropology, became a restaurant employee, a very mediocre auditor for a retail company, and then a mom.

I am struggling with what my next step is. My kids are at that crucial moment when they need advice and guidance and independence. The hand holding is mostly over. They can cross streets, cook food, dress themselves, and both are learning to drive cars.  

I have been a good mom. There is no doubt about that.

Whatever: 14 is Great (With Pictures)

14 is a great birthday.

At least from a parent's point of view.

Two years til driving. 4 years til leaving.

I love 14. 

And I love my 14 year old.

This birthday fell in a big,stressful  week for the birthday girl.

Two part math exam Tuesday and Thursday. 

French exam on her actual birthday. 

8th grade celebration  on Friday.

We ran from one thing to another. Yet in typical Delaney fashion, it was easy and quirky, with the request for chicken noodle soup and Caesar salad made at home with chocolate cake.

That's my girl, easy and challenging all in the same breath.

I am so thrilled to watch this beautiful girl find her path. I feel we are on the cusp of something big. As I watched her surround herself with a new group of friends this year, I saw that she would be alright. She has found her people. Smart, unique girls who love and support each other. 

Delaney is creative and marches to the beat of her own drum.  Even in preschool, the reports were always, "She is not like the other girls". Black and purple were her colors of choice in a sea of pink.  This year she asked for math workbooks and a manual typewriter for her birthday.

She is the most  curious person I know, which can be a challenge for a parent. Since she was three she has read about whatever she was interested in at the time, becoming an autodidact (like me) and a fearless person (not like me). I have watched her tackle new sports, two new schools, difficult  and challenging relationships. Sometimes she was at the bottom (7th grade friend drama), but I have also seen her rise to the top (8th grade Southeastern swim finals in the 500, helping lead her team to another championship). The fearlessness to try things is something I admire every single day.

As I see the changes a year has made it puts a little lump in my throat. She has a plan for her future. She has started looking at schools and has a top three list, which pretty much does not change. I know that my brave, smart and beautiful girl will do the thing that I have been preparing her for, leave. 

But for now, I am enjoying 14.

No driving, no leaving.

*We scooped her on her Craigslist find and surprised her with her most wanted request.

Instafriday: Mother's Day

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers in my life.

And to my children,

 

 who call me "Momma" and "Mommy" still, even though they are teen and almost teen girls... I love you more than there are words to express. You make my heart hurt, my hair gray and my life fuller then I could ever imagine.

I love you.

Check out all the other "cool moms" via Life Rearranged

Whatever: Happy Birthday to my special girl

It's finally here...

my baby girl turns 12 tonight at 11:20.

Instagram Friday: My life on fast forward

Only one picture this week...

(Okay, two)...

One that makes me a little sad...

Daughters are growing up while I wrestle with things like writing letters about gun control, wondering how we are going to afford all the things we need like insurance, mortgages, and orthodontists.

Yesterday, they were this....

Now they are this...

Taller and growing wiser by the day.
 I sound like a mother.

Cooking: A Presidental Menu

President's day and all is right with the world. 

Or at least my household.

Delaney is back from her trip. Ellie is home and I am listening to them make biscuits together in the kitchen. Sigh. I love my kids.

My girls and a friend, just a month ago...they have already changed.

I had a weekend of getting things done. 

Painted Delaney's room and the 187 feet of trim around it.  Ellie and I volunteered at the Chattanooga Food Pantry as part of our Lenten plan to "give back".  They do a great service and I was amazed by what exactly goes on there. There is a lot of dignity preserved in their practices. Eye opening view into the hunger and poverty I rarely see. 

Our whole family went to hear music at our friend's hall and I heard on of my favorites
 and  found a new musician that I may become obsessed with love.  

BJ Hightower and Matt Bohannon, you made my Saturday night.

Thank you Stacey and Ken Crisp for providing a place we can
 take our kids to hear local, live music.

Kudos.

We drove out to see the farm that my parents are in the process of buying. Sunday was a gorgeous day and we tromped around on the 81 acres enjoying being outside. I am so thrilled for them and for me as well. Selfish as it is, I want them near. 

View from their driveway

Last night I watched the end of the 3rd season of Downton Abbey. 

Great show, but this season seemed a little rushed. Julian Fellowes, take a chill pill.

All in all, excellent weekend. My husband burned a fire in our fire pit all weekend, I checked off items off my never ending list, we hung out with my parents and I finally finished a room in my house. Check, check!

(Sports gear up again this week, but today we are off...of school, work and extra curiculars)

Casa Swann Here's to You, Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Washington Menu

• Beef chili
• Paleo acorn squash./vegetarian acorn squash
•  Grilled chicken/ veggies  with  pita and Greek Salad
• Paleo chicken stew/ butternut squash soup 
• Tacos

InstaFriday

The week started off with a bang. Our oldest daughter celebrated her Rite of Confirmation

I am so proud of her, as it was her personal choice. She has also decided she wants to serve the church by becoming a lector in Mass. Reading in front of the entire congregation will be a good fit for her, I think as she has a BIG voice in a small body. The Bishop gave an excellent homily and was quite the joker when it came to take photos with all the kids. He asked the girl in front of Delaney what she wanted for Christmas! 

My parents and sisters came into town and we had a good, but short visit. 

We got one shot with all of our eyes open. I miss them terribly and wish we all lived in the same town. Running errands with my sisters would be a riot.

 

 Steve's best friend from college came into town. He's Delaney's godfather and is a great  (if quirky) guy. Steve wanted to show us a "rock" that fell on a trail we hike on sometimes. That is how he described it, a rock.  So my sister Jennifer, Delaney, Steve, Dan and I went for a very quick hike (Jennifer had to catch a plane in Nashville). Karen stayed home with Ellie and I am sure they chatted like magpies the entire time. So freaky how much they are alike.

 Here is the "rock" which actually split in half on the way down and took out about 5 trees and took all the dirt with it. NOT small at all.

 

 The week was pretty calm for Casa Swann. We took it fairly easy and were home every night except Tuesday by 4pm. Which was refreshing from our usual home by 6ish. The girls are between sports right now, so homework got done early and we all relaxed. 

 

 I did a lot of piddling with computer things. My partner and I are having our last consignment sale after 10 years of being in business together. I am writing a manual for her to edit, as we are planning on selling the business. Hard to imagine right now.

 My favorite Tervis tumbler got used a lot for hot tea and coffee  because it was cold and damp here most of this week. And this little girl kept me company.  She was all ears for my ideas.

What did you do this week?  Share your week and check out everyone else's cool life over at

Whatever: The long road to not being boring

Yawn.

Yep, I know...my blog is boring. 

I can't help it. My life is somewhat in a rut right now. 

I am working on it.

Here are some photos of the in progress boring to cool room.

We are currently looking for curtains, a lampshade and sheets.
We are going for a more grown up look, but her style is really colorful and very arty.

She will eventually fill up the remaining walls with her art.

I still have to paint the trim, but I worked a bunch this week.

Maybe I should hire my Ellie to jazz up my blog.

Dirt: Gotta brag

My daughter's swim banquet was last night. A tear was brought to my eye when it dawned on me that this was her last season as a middle school swimmer. Her lovely coach had kind words to say about her, including that she could be a real asset to the varsity team next year if she chooses to swim. 

That was a button poppin' moment. She rocked the championship and scored a fair amount of points for her team, taking almost a full minute off her 500, which is a lot in swimming.

8th graders

22 girls tried to sit around this table...that's team work

She was part of a super badass team that truly brought it. 22 girls who swam their finest all season and improved up until the very last race, outscoring their rival by over 200 points and the combined boys and girls team by over 100.  Last night we celebrated all those sweet girls aged 11-14.

 It was fun and very sweet and a little eye opening.

My husband and I sat with four other girl's parents and listened as they all complained about their daughters not talking to them anymore about anything. I was really surprised. There was a lot of " my kid never tells me anything" and "sometimes she forgets who we are and slips up and talks to us". I did not join in. My kids are pretty chatty with me. One is a little less, but if I pay attention, I know what is going on with her and most of her friends. In addition, these were "cool" parents who I know are understanding with their daughters.

 

The struggle within me it to stop trying to solve their problems as I did when they were little. My experience has led me to realize that if I keep my mouth shut and don't judge, I hear a lot more.  As someone who in her late teens realized her parents were there to help, I resolved to be like them. My step mom was the best at listening and keeping a straight face. I try to do the same. 

I have already had some pretty frank conversations with both daughters. No topic is off limits, even if it makes me uncomfortable.  The reality is that girls need adult female  supervision and examples, especially as they are becoming adults themselves. Leonard Sax talks about this in his book Girls On the Edge.  Dr. Sax suggests that teenage girls need a few close girlfriends, their mother and one or two adult women to guide them to adulthood. I am fortunate that my daughters are close to my sisters in addition to a few of the mothers of their peers.  We have limited the media in their lives, even recently cutting back on their iPad and laptop time. The reason being kids and especially girls want "the answers" and going to the internet is like going to someone's older sister who is very worldly and has no filter.

As a mom, I try to engage my girls in conversation and share my own life with them. They know my daily  struggles including trying to find my place in service to God, what I am feeling insecure about,  if I have cramps, which relationship is causing me strife, how I am struggling to workout, etc. I want them to see that the things they deal with right now are always going to be in their lives.

Coach LaRochelle

I hope the other parents were exaggerating  and were doing the things parents do in order to not seem like they are bragging about their kids. These are the best and brightest girls I know and it would be such a misfortune if their parents are missing that aspect of their lives.  Vice versa, the girls truly will be missing out if they don't allow their amazing parents to share their daily ups and downs.