I have been in a panic for a week.
Trying to figure it all out.
we I get it all done. How can I get my house clean, fun planned, food prepped and ready and still work, feed my family and chauffeur my kids around.
The cooking and the cleaning. The planning and the prepping.
Normally, I am a planning fool, ready the hit the road, plans in hand, cooking started on Sunday. Normally, I relish a party or gathering, especially if it involves my family, ALL of my family.
This year, I am paralyzed. How will I get it done? Why am I doing it, to start with?
So I have been complaining to all and any who will listen.
Thankfully, it was a good friend, my mother in law and my sister to whom I complained about my horrible lot. The friend reminded me graciously, that I am just like everyone else. (Thanks,Cindy!) Everyone else who is lucky enough to have family that speaks to them or is close enough to come to visit. Silently reminding me that I am lucky to have a wonderful family. WHAM!
Then, my awesome mother-in-law, whom I don't thank enough for what she does to keep me sane, offered to make not one but THREE dishes. She is an amazing cook and I am thrilled and humbled to have her help me feed the crowd. BOOM!
Last, my younger sister put things in perspective for me. She reminded me that no one cares if I have dust and bathrooms that may or may not also be drinking fountains for dogs. She reminded me that we will all start laughing and having fun. She also reminded me that it is okay that I don't know how to process the feelings I have about my mother's death. That it's normal that I am sad and can't get out of my own sad way. SMOOTH!
I am truly a stubborn woman. I ask God weekly for help in handling the funk that I can't seem to escape, never actually putting a name to that funk. And, as I told my kids on the way to school this morning, God speaks in a whisper. A soft whisper of a patient friend, a helpful and generous mother-in-law, and a confirming sister.
I will be utterly exhausted come Sunday night, but I will have had my soul fed and my family around me, which is really all I long for anyway. The panic will have subsided and I will be back to normal.