Whatever: Happy 2013

Happy New Year!

Whew Doggie...this one is gonna be a great one if my New Year's Eve is any indication!

Not really a new year's eve kinda girl...but we had tickets to see Old Crow Medicine Show at the Ryman this year. The evening was one of those that either was going to make or break us.

We had the following go wrong or at least not according to plan:

#1 We left Chattanooga late

#2 The restaurant we planned on eating that DOES NOT take reservations, took them on New Year's Eve ONLY. (They were full, of course).

#3 I bought the wrong tights.

#4 The restaurant we decided last minute to go to was in East Nashville (East Nasty for those of you who are Nashvillians) and there was NO GETTING a cab to leave.

#5 Ticket Master would not sell us two tickets together. We had seats in different sections 6 rows apart.

#6 It rained. Hard.

#7 There were NO CABS.

Steve, Roy, Minni and me

Gratituesday: Mag Rag

I have started reading a magazine that I used to think was a little mature for me.

I actually bought a subscription to said magazine after I found myself buying it in the checkout lanes at various stores around town.

I kind of hid it under my Real Simple and my daughter's Mental Floss for awhile and then realized, that no one in my house knew what this magazine was, so I stopped.

THEN...

My sister came for Thanksgiving. She asked my daughter if I was the one who bought said magazine.

Yes, she said. Then my sister gave me the look.

You know the one. The one that says "What is up with that?"

Busted.

 

In case you are wondering the magazine is More. 

A magazine who's tag line is "Celebrates women of style and substance with articles on style, health, work, spirituality and relationships."

Whose readership's average age is 51. ( I just googled that.)

Yep, I am reading the old lady magazine.

In my defense, when I first bought it my idol Sarah Jessica Parker was on the cover.  Now, I am not one to pass up Ms. SJP on a magazine cover. After I realized what magazine it was, I was a little embarrassed. But then I bought the Salma Hayak cover and haven't looked back. 

For the record, most of the articles are exactly age appropriate for me, except there is little about the delicate dance of raising teenage daughters. Instead, it is about staying healthy physically, mentally and monetarily as we enter the second half of our lives. 

Check...I am about 9 years away from *gulp* middle age.

Also, when I was 16 and 17 I read Cosmo, and I definitely was young for that rag, for sure.

I am really grateful that I have a little bit of humility about aging.  I don't plan on getting "old" anytime soon, but I do know that the opposite of dying is aging. 

And, if I can get eating and health advice from Salma Hayak in the meantime, I am going to take it.

I am grateful for my downtime with my More magazine.

PS. I have also started reading Redbook at the gym. I may be in trouble.

Whatever: The family that plays together...

As I said Monday, I survived the holiday weekend.

My sister, Jennifer and her adorable family was here from Wednesday on.

Middle Sister, as my nephew dubbed her, Karen came up for the day Thursday.

She brought her husband and two youngest kids. Her two oldest had other plans and decided to stay in the Nashville area with their girlfriends dad. We missed them, especially as I look back on the family photo and miss the tallest kid 6"1"! 

With both my sisters in the house AND Steve's brother-in-law and two of his three kids, along with several mother-in-laws, we were a large and loud group. The best part was the fact that the women outnumbered the men for once. Love it!

Thanksgiving dinner was lovely and we all behaved once we sat down to eat. 

After a short "break" to digest our dinner, we dove into a rousing game of Cranium, or more appropriately named... "yell at the top of your lungs". Literally, the windows were rattling. 

 

If you have never played Cranium, it is a game of knowledge, creativity, charade-like performance and words. If you would like the experience that we had I suggest you gather ALL of the most competitive and obnoxious people you know, give them several bottles of wine to drink, have them talk a lot of trash, pair them up with the unlikeliest alliances, then tell them to be quiet because the little kids are in bed. 

Most everyone in my family is very competitive. My baby sister has only recently been able to play games because she hates to lose. I personally have gotten more so the older I get. And, my nephew, who literally is the most competitive person I know, seems to bring it out in me even more. So, it is a bit of an understatement to say that it got ugly. 

Everyone was talking  major trash, beginning with our team names and going all the way to victory dances being pranced rather enthusiastically after each round.

(Although, to my great embarrassment, I am the only one who dropped the F-bomb.

Major fail...especially when my niece busted me for " Saying a curse word REALLY LOUD!")

 

  We were really excited to play, especially since all the "kids" are now actually old enough to play. Our children now range in age from 21 to 6, and all but the two smallest and one teen observer played.

  

We all took turns acting out people, places and things, drawing with our eyes closed and guessing at random trivia. 

 Intense is the not the right word for this experience, especially since we had an unusually high number of  "Club Cranium " cards when everyone had to play at once. Arguments and louder yelling ensued. Also, the 100th Club Cranium of the evening was the last straw for me, hence the now infamous uttering.

 After one spilled drink, many rounds of arguing over who was cheating and who was cheated, lots and lots of talking over each other, and much laughter we finally finished hours later after one major declaration of this being the worst game and biggest group of cry babies. EVER.

It was.The best game. Ever. 

Of course, I can say that because, my team won.

Go Team Cuddly Wolverines!!!!

Dirt: The group photo

In case you haven't noticed...

It is still November.

It is still the month in which we Americans give thanks for what we have received and for what we have in our lives. We had a lovely Thanksgiving, full of laughter and fancy dishes.

Grandmother's 20th anniversary china and mother's crystal

I am savoring the 300 plus photos I took over the Thanksgiving weekend.

I want it to last. At least longer than the turkey dinner did.

The hours and days I spent cleaning, shopping and cooking that culminated in just about 15 minutes of a meal on the actual day.  Sigh.

We had a minor speed bump in our plan to have dinner at 1pm. The original turkeys got too warm when defrosting, so we threw them out and started over.

Everyone was notified that it would be moved back 2-4 hours and it worked out great. We had snacks and lots of visiting and laughter to carry us through.  I was really happy to have most of both sides of our family together and everyone seemed to hit it off.

I am thankful for those calves

Bro-in-law and his mom

Middle sister and my mother-in-law

We had a speech given by a very eloquent speaker, who encouraged us to count our blessings before we sat down to a wonderful meal.

Amazing child

While we were waiting for the turkey to smoke, I went out on a limb and gathered everyone for a group photo. Something I wish we had been doing every year since Steve and I have been together. I had someone ask me for photos recently and I was sad to find out that even though I take the most in my family, I don't really have any good "groups". Steve and I have joined that adult group called "Adults without grandparents". The lack of photos from the holidays we celebrated with them is such a travesty as we were both extremely close to our grandparents.
So, while I can't get that back, I can create new photos for my children and my siblings children.
 

One thing to know about my family, we have a lot of women in it. 

A lot of smart and head strong women.

 So there were a lot of directions given to get everyone where they needed to be for the photo.

Negotiations began

No problem with self awarness

So, as of this year, as the official photographer of the family, I have decreed. We are taking the "damn" photo every time we get together. Mine are not as in focus as I wish they were, but they at least capture the "us" of 2012.

Including the dogs. 

Poor baby

Dirt: The priviledge is mine

I have been in a panic for a week.

Trying to figure it all out.

How will we I get it all done. How can I get my house clean, fun planned, food prepped and ready and still work, feed my family and chauffeur my kids around.

The cooking and the cleaning. The planning and the prepping.

Normally, I am a planning fool, ready the hit the road, plans in hand, cooking started on Sunday. Normally, I relish a party or gathering, especially if it involves my family, ALL of my family.

This year, I am paralyzed. How will I get it done? Why am I doing it, to start with?

So I have been complaining to all and any who will listen.

Thankfully, it was a good friend, my mother in law and my sister  to whom I complained about my horrible lot. The friend reminded me graciously, that I am just like everyone else. (Thanks,Cindy!) Everyone else who is lucky enough to have family that speaks to them or is close enough to come to visit. Silently reminding me that I am lucky to have a wonderful family. WHAM!

Then, my awesome mother-in-law, whom I don't thank enough for what she does to keep me sane, offered to make not one but THREE dishes. She is an amazing cook and I am thrilled and humbled  to have her help me feed the crowd. BOOM!

Last, my younger sister put things in perspective for me. She reminded me that no one cares if I have dust and bathrooms that may or may not also be drinking fountains for dogs. She reminded me that we  will all start laughing and having fun. She also reminded me that it is okay that I don't know how to process the feelings I have about my mother's death. That it's normal that I am sad and can't get out of my own sad way.  SMOOTH! 

I am truly a stubborn woman. I ask  God weekly for help in handling the funk that I can't seem to escape, never actually putting a name to that funk.  And, as I told my kids on the way to school this morning, God speaks in a whisper. A soft whisper of a  patient  friend, a helpful and generous mother-in-law, and a confirming sister. 

I will be utterly exhausted come Sunday night, but I will have had my soul fed and my family around me, which is really all I long for anyway. The panic will have subsided and I will be back to normal.

Thank you, God for whispering to me.

Gratituesday: My rocks

I have really enjoyed everyone's countdown to Thanksgiving on Facebook.

I give a little Amen to every single one of them.

My life is full of riches, most of them are living and breathing. 

My family means so much to me, especially the relationships I have with my sisters.

They are my rocks. 

Literally.

My husband makes fun of how we have a "special" speech pattern when we talk to each other.

And how we tell each other random "important" things, tell the same 5 stories over and over again and cackle like loons when we are together.

Well, what can I say, we are sisters.

 We have the same DNA and share the love that comes from coming full circle from being willing to beat the tar out of each other to being willing to fight to the death anyone else who even looks the wrong way at the others.

So, as I start my week of thankfulness, I have to say "THANKS" to the girls who keep my secrets, carry my burdens, share their burdens with me and make me laugh until I pee a little.

I love you Karen and Jennifer.

You are my rocks!

Gratituesday: GIRLS!

I am grateful for my children.

Today on the way to school, I told them that I wouldn't change a thing about them.

They are smart, funny, quirky and truly amazing to watch.

As my youngest got out of the car this morning, I watched her walk into school.

She is confident and still "little" with her eagerness to be at school. 

Part of that is going to a school that embraces the "6th grade babies" (one of their school songs). 

I love that. 

So, as we count our blessings and watch our pennies to send our girls
to an "all girls" school, I am grateful.

Very, very grateful that they are a part of a culture that praises women for their strength, creativity and competitiveness. They are encouraged to be themselves at every age and for the most part are celebrated by their peers for their accomplishments and supported in their goals.
Pretty special, if you ask me.

(Mine is on of the last ones who stops and hugs her "Cat" on the way to her seat)

Whatever: Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to the boy I married on the beach...

14 years ago today!

I would do it again in a heartbeat!

Life has been one great party with you...

Thanks for bringing me along for the ride...

I love you!

Gratituesday: Dates

My husband and I dated for a long time. Three years (and one day) to be exact.

When we tell people that, they usually ask "Why?"

Lots of reasons, but mostly two...

We are children of divorce and he was in school.

As we had kids almost immediately after we got married (13 months and 5 days later), I am glad we got to spend all that time dating.

We had a blast. We were awesome daters.

My husband was the master of coming up with fun things to do. Once he came up with what he said would be  "the most fun day ever". Our plan was to do everything that was "fun". We started out with brunch at the St. Louis Art Museum, a favorite of ours. Then we roller bladed around Forest Park, went to a movie, headed for a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game, and ended it by hearing a local band ( I think it was Swing Set)at one of our favorite watering holes. The date lived up the the hype. That was the kind of daters we were.

My favorite thing about those three years is that we became really good friends.  We were insanely attracted to each other and were hardly ever apart.We ate at all the hottest restaurants, heard a lot of bands, danced our butts off and went to loads of movies and plays. We went to dog walks, art shows, went sledding and roller blading all over St. Louis. All the while, as we were sharing our thoughts and having fun, we also were building a great foundation for our future.

As, I said, we had our daughter almost immediately after we got married. We also spent 8  months apart (most of my pregnancy) while he attended a practice management school and I moved to Chattanooga to get a house and a doctor. After 8 months, he started his practice and I finished growing a baby. Times were turbulent and stressful beyond belief. But, we made it through, mostly because we are stubborn, but also because we had a great foundation.

As our family  has grown, we have worked to keep our marriage strong. Dates help. Sometimes we struggle to see each other as someone other than a partner in raising kids. Sometimes we lead separate lives in the same space. Yet, we both realize our marriage is something we both want and need.

As I  have watched the years go by, I have come to the  realization that marriage is messy, hard and very annoyingly monotonous. You can let it drag you down and get into your psyche OR you can mix it and do something to end the monotony. My  husband took me on two dates last week AND we went skating with our kids, somethings we used to do when we dated (albeit we used to go on ice).  We mixed it up and went to a cooking class AND went to hear a band that we both love. Both were fun, both recharged our marriage batteries.

I am so grateful for the chance to date my husband I could almost cry. I mean really, it gets me that emotional. Life is hard and going it alone would be even harder. Having someone who is fun ,makes me laugh, and who is in my corner makes it so much easier. Even better that I love him and he loves me and we both love this...

Strung Like A Horse | Byrd Dog from Tomás Donoso on Vimeo.

Gratituesday: Could you, would you pray?

I spend a lot of time by myself. As a stay at home mom, I am in my head almost all day. I don't turn the television on unless I am sick (never) and I rarely talk on the phone. Unless I physically leave my house, I talk to very few people during the day.

(I do talk to the dogs, but they are poor conversationalists, very one sided in their topics).

precious, but not that bright or witty

I would like to say I pray, but the reality is that I don't as often as I should. Sometimes,  I pray in the shower, it is very serene there and very white, with little to distract my twenty first century mind. 

However, I don't really pray like I wish I would, like I wish I could.

Could?

I mean how hard is it to come out of my mind and talk to God? 

Very.

In my head it is me thinking of creative things I COULD be doing. Of delicious meals I will be making. Of lovely clothes that I wish I owned. In my head it is very easy to be comfortable and numb. 

me...in my head...

Talking to God is awkward and intimidating. First of all, I don't really think He could possibly care about all the monotonous things I want to talk about (me, myself and I). Second, all I do is whine, whine, whine. 

Third, by the time I get to the end of the conversation, I have forgotten why I started it in the first place. I mean, really, I talk to dogs, for Pete's sake.

However, I know that I really NEED to talk to God and that He does care about the little things...I mean, "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." (Luke 12:7) I have to admit, if He knows that little detail, He must care that I am sad my kids are growing up, that my finger hurts where I burned it, that my husband carries a very heavy burden at work and I feel there is little I do to lessen it. 

And the whining...well, I am whiny. "Little Tanya Whiner" didn't get the name being stoic. So, why shouldn't the Being responsible for making me hear my constant whine about every random thing.  And the rambling, well, I think anything is better than nothing, right? 

I believe in prayer, I know the effects of it are God's grace and presence being felt (He is always there, waiting). I see the devout women that I know that pray daily, openly and seek Him out. The light that shines from them is amazing. And surely, I am hoping, fingers crossed, that they feel like I do. That God has better things to do, like protect soldiers, and watch out for orphans, rather than listen to me ramble awkwardly. 

I am very conflicted, always in my faith. I feel that God does not make horrible things happen. But I also struggle to see how good faithful people can be allowed to suffer. What is the meaning of all of this? If I pray and pray for something to change, why doesn't it? If I ask and ask for a burden to be lifted, why isn't it? If I ask for healing, why do I not feel it?  I repent my sins, but still feel the guilt. 

Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) traveled around the globe looking for redemption and peace in her life. God led her to feed her body, quiet her soul and find love AND Him. Epic, surely, but very painful. 

Is the key to  her journey that she laid on her bathroom floor, asking, begging for help? It took years for her to find her path. Then over a year to get on it and travel toward healing. I sense that my issues are me, my failure to "stick with it" and my impatience with God's answer ( or my inability to get out of my own head and listen for Him). Reading Elizabeth's book lead me a few years ago to change how I prayed. I started asking God for what I wanted and listening for His replies.  The amazing thing is that I actually think it made a difference. Praying became easier, and I prayed more often and with better focus. I have gotten out of that habit, mostly because it is not an autopilot easy way to pray.

As I start this new year, my quest is to return to that exercise in being patient and open. To be less in my own head and more in God's world. I am ever so grateful that I have to opportunity to try, try again to get it right and build that relationship. God's grace receives me every time.