We all have dirt. We like to dish the dirt. We try to hide the dirt from our friends, sometimes by cleaning it up, and sometimes by sweeping it under the carpet. It weighs us down, makes us crazy and tired.
I have a lot of dirt. Mine is usually my anger issues ( driving, sloppy family members, and being told I am wrong usually bring out the visual sightings) and I have struggled since I was a middle schooler with them. However, I have an ongoing internal dialogue that goes like this " Seriously? I mean, seriously? Did he really leave his workout clothes 10 inches away from the hamper?....... Is it worth getting irate about?...... No....But seriously?...10 inches?"
I have had years of this. Not always about my husband. Sometimes about the dog, cat, mailman, person in the minivan in front of me, the lady in the store that smacks her kids, the fact that my sister ate my doughnut...the list goes on. I have periods of keeping the outbursts to a minimum and have even deluded myself into thinking they are gone. Once they were for over two years. However, as a mother and wife, they are always right there below the surface and they usually show up at THE. WORST. TIMES. I know I am teaching my sweet kids that it is okay to lash out. I realize that I love my husband more than anyone else in the world, but yet he is the one who I lose it with the fastest.
Inner peace, I recently read, is not being in a calm, serene place away from chaos, but being calm and serene when surrounded by chaos. Since my to-do list included inner peace, I figure the anger probably needs to go. So, as I drive to church this morning with my angry child who does not want to go because it is a waste of time, I will strive to keep the dialogue focused on being serene and calm.